The Waiting Game

The radio is playing our song

The melody and the lines bring back memories.

Tears are falling freely, copiously.

Remind me of the times I spent with you.

Happy moments.

That was then.

This is me now.

Only the songs keep me company.

Replaying each vivid scenes.

Closing my eyes and see myself there with you again.

To find comfort.

But too many questions are left unanswered.

I doubt if they'll ever be answered.

This is fate churning in a sad tale.

I am waiting still.

(((asheil.august 21,2011.sunday.1900hrs.)))

Angels in Disguise

Right out of the blue, one ordinary day, I never imagined my life would change--not dramatically or something drastic but one that is so heartwarming and fulfilling.

I haven't got the faintest idea that by having a blog, sharing my insights and the poems I have written would also result to  me meeting people - those whose presence enriched me and who touched my life more than I ever thought possible.

I decided to start my blog last July.  Friends were urging me even before to have one but I felt I wasn't ready then. I thought having a blog would mean subjecting myself to scrutiny and sharing my private thoughts and emotions to the public would make me vulnerable. At that time, I felt I didn't have the right to have a blog - that I was a mediocre writer. I was hesitant, too afraid I would garner criticisms rather than positive feedback.

But now, several months after, I saw that the number of readership steadily grew. I was pinching myself, thinking I was just dreaming. And that the numbers were just a fluke. Because come to think of it, I ain't no Pulitzer writer. Just an ordinary person who happens to love writing. I didn't think people would relate to anything I posted.

And just this week, I met people -Radically strangers, so to speak. They stumbled upon my blog by accident or through a google page. But these people inspired me not to give up on writing. They said words way beyond what I thought. And it has humbled me to the very core.  

I am no seasoned writer. I don't even have the kind of experiences some people have. But I try to be truthful to all the posts I make. Truthful to the feelings and emotions. I try to see the world from their perspective. And to be as honest as I can possibly could to give justice to these emotions and experiences.

And most of all, today I give credit to these people whose words warmed my heart. Without them, I would never find the reason to be as inspired to write. I would have wanted to mention their names but I want to respect their privacy as well. But I hope that when they get to read this, they will know.

Thank you for coming into my life just as when I was having self doubts. You are all angels in disguise. 

And Thank You to those whose friendships mean the world to me. You are like a compass that points me to the right direction. A lighthouse that guides me to shore.

My deepest gratitude.

image courtesy of weheartit.com

 

I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry,
For the times you shed tears

And I wasn't there.

For the time you were heartbroken

And I couldn't put the pieces together.

I'm Sorry

That when you were screaming
I never heard you cry.

When all you ever wanted 

Was just a little faith and encouragement,

I refused to utter a single word

And opted for Silence.

I'm Sorry

That I looked away

When your eyes say,

"Hear my heart's plea."

But most of all,

I'm Sorry for Hurting You

BECAUSE I CHOSE TO LET GO.

((( asheil. june 20.2011.monday.1858hrs.)))

image courtesy of desktopnexxus

Me, You and I Forgive You

This is for all those who feel they've have enough of being used, taken for granted and unappreciated, be it with friends or a person one is romantically involved with. There comes a point in life when you just got to say, Enough is enough. And it's not about being rude; it's about saving yourself from a destructive situation that brings resentment.

Today, I resolved to make peace, make amends.

I don't wanna be tied to a foolish chain where I'm holding the losing end. 

It's time to make a brand new start. For myself. 

Break free from the never ending cycle of self deprecation.

It's time to set the boundaries between being nice and self preservation.

Because I don't want to look at my life and be livid by the things I've done to please you; forgetting my self-worth in the process. 

All the lies, the power you have over me, the endless expectation-- They all stop right here. 

And although I maybe the same Me  and you are the same You, the equation stops to read as "Me being here with you."

And in case you haven't got the drift, this is a breakaway from the "Me equals You" scenario. 

It's not even about Letting go, it's just about Me moving on without You.

This is my graceful exit. An overdue act of courage to save what is left of Respect; before any of us break each other apart beyond redemption.
 
I forgive you.  

But most of all, I forgive myself for allowing you to hurt me. Of which I though was beyond healing.

And that by this simple act of disengaging myself, I hope that you can forgive me too.

Finally, before I go, here's what I want you to know and hope that when you get to read this, you'll find it in you to understand and forgive me too.

To borrow an old saying and putting my own twist to it;

To err is human. To forgive is simply..... Liberating.

 

image courtesy of weheartit.com

Painted Dreams

I think of you

And everything stands still.

Dreams tucked under my pillow

But I couldn't find peace in my dreams.

The night goes by so slowly.

I am intoxicated by the mere mention of your name.

The wind brings in a bittersweet scent.

But I couldn't find peace in my dreams.

Why do I nurture such existence?

((( asheil.december 14.2011.wednesday.2110hrs.)))

My Parade of Lights ( My Little Own Diwali)

Up and down the lonely road I walked alone.

Only the light of the moon to guide my way.

Far away in the distance,
I can see the parade of Lights.

Floating on those whimsy boats by the bay.

Down the river, they cruise along.

Flimsy vessels of people's hopes.

That somewhere, somehow

They might come true.

Watching those little lights as I got near

I uttered a silent prayer:

"Let the flames burn forever,

Keep the Hopes alive 

Not only for this night."

As I sit by the river's edge,

There's a peace inside of me.

All is well in the world again. 

(((asheil.april 8,2011.friday.2041hrs.)))

 

If

These Eyes,

These eyes may as well be blind.

Unable to behold such beauty.

These Ears,

They are of no use

If they fail to hear the sound of distant rumblings within this heart.

These Hands,

These hands are superfluous.

If they cannot enfold you in thy embrace.

Ah, and these Lips,

What use are they?

If the words are barred from touching them.

Locked up in a cage of swirling emotions,

Unable to say what I really feel.

And I mused,

What good am I alive with all these Ifs?

((( asheil.august 19,2011.friday.1500hrs.)))