The Landscape of my Heart

If you were to spread your life before you and look at the panorama, marking those that have hurt you and those that you have hurt, How will it look? If it were a numbers game, which one outnumbers the other? Is your life fraught with the apparent vindictiveness you so adamantly feign?  Or is it a nondescript stage hoisted by drama, broken promises and circus-like spectacle?

People will always hurt you; with or without reason. Intentionally or not. And you, unwittingly or not, will hurt a lot of people along the way. All these things, good or bad, they shall all be taken away. At some point. And in that time, would you feel Relief or Guilt or Regret?

If you were walking along the highway of life, what's trailing behind you?  Is your shadow flanked by made-up ghosts and unresolved issues?

Hurt is inevitable. The perennial juggernaut that may define you. You want to stomp your way in defense. But like I said, people and circumstance will always find their way to hurt you. It's just the way it is. The answer lies not in dodging the bullets, so to speak, but how well you take them, if ever you do. What doesn't break you makes you, You.

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And all those times you may have hurt others, how will you make amends? It's like you're inside a mirrored room where all you see is your own reflection. You failed to understand, selfishly decisive to be blind and callous. 

You are fumbling on your way, steadily plummeting into depths of uncertainty. It's not that easy, is it. You've put yourself way too much under the klieg  lights, your heart out on your sleeves and trusted vehemently that when that trust is broken, many times, it is hard to mend yourself. And you become Stoic. 

The hurts that are so debilitating are those whose culprit are the ones that you love most. But they stay in your heart always, regardless. Pretty ironic.  

After being apathetic , guarded and cautious for so long , are you ready to feel again? Will you ever find it in you to move past the fear and try again? 

Or will the landscape of your heart stay Silent and Still?